Fuck The Army

I got back from our third convoy last night which was a pretty good convoy except two incidents one which was easily resolved and the other, well look at the title. But just sit tight there is plenty of story to tell before we get to that. So just sit back and prepare for a story that is a little crazy, a little funny, and a little scary for me.
So just as usual on the day of a convoy we head to the motor pool at like 1400 to start getting ready to go, but this prep time was a little more hectic than normal. Because the night before I was given a new truck, which was no where near ready to hit the road. So there I was the night before and the day of a convoy, a convoy which I should add sent us through quite a few rough spots. But there I was running around the motor pool stealing, I mean reconing, parts off other trucks trying to get mine ready to roll. You might not know this but when it comes to gear and equipment marines get the shaft in that area. The army gets all the nicest and newest gear around while we get what is left over. I mean explain to me why the marines are called the strongest and the best, but I have to steal to get parts for my truck. But the army gets ample amounts of bran new gear. Sorry just a little tangent, but back to the story, so after I Finlay stole all the stuff I needed to hit the road that night and got the truck ready as best I could it was just about time to head to the brief. We get the brief over with and head for the road, actually leaving on time for once. Oh yeah I forgot to tell you that this was a new route to my truck, which is the lead truck, and we have no form of navigation in our truck except printed out paper maps. Trust me this will play in in a big way later.
There we are heading down one of the biggest roads in Iraq depending on the vehicle behind us to let us know when the turn is coming up. We are rolling down the road making good time haven't seen any activity, it is a good day then, we roll right past the turn and straight for downtown Baghdad. At this point in time we realize we have missed the turn but it is to late we can not find anywhere to turn around. We keep going and still can't find a place to turn around at. I am screaming at Deelie, he is screaming at Ruby, I am screaming at them. It was just a huge screaming fest. We are all freaking out since we are rolling up through a busy part of town with lots of people yelling at us, throwing rocks at us, and well everything but shooting at us. Which means we can't do shit, this is not a great feeling at all. Just to kinda explain a little better the kind of place we were in. Imagine being in College Park at around midnight, in a fresh new car with shinny rims with a lot of thugs eyeing you up. That is about as close as you can get to the in The States. Ok well as we keep heading through this area we finally find a place to turn around, and it just so happens to be a major intersection. But this is not a normal intersection there are no lights and you just drive and turn whenever you want. Then there I go pulling straight out into traffic to block it so the rest of the convoy can make the turn and not get separated. I am just sitting in this intersection for I don't know about 5 min just waiting for the next security vehicle to take my place. I thought they would never get there, but of course they finally did, and we rolled away. Sending us right back through the scary neighborhood. Thankfully though we made it back onto the right road and headed straight for the base. This was the first incident of the convoy and probably one of the most nerve wrecking things that has happened thus far in my deployment.
After making it to our objective, we fueled up on gas and headed for the chow hall, cause by the time we actually made it there it was time for breakfast. We figured this would be just an easy jump on the bus and hit the chow hall and be in bed in no less than an hour. But little did we know that this was such a huge base and that by bus it would take us about 30 minutes to get to the chow hall. After getting to the chow hall and sitting down to eat we began to notice that we were getting alot of looks our way. I asked Bizkit if he noticed it and he did as well as Kim and Nick. I just played it off thinking the looks were because of how loud and crazy we were being at 5 in the morning. I mean come on you would be loud and crazy too if you were staying awake just by energy drinks and cigarettes. But we just continue to be loud and crazy and finish our meal. Upon leaving we are still noticing all the looks, again though we are still acting kinda weird. So Bizkit decides that if they are going to look at us at least they should have a good reason to so he decides it would be a great idea, to yell hooha ( the army's stupid saying) at every passing soldier. We all found this quite funny so we just joined in bring even more attention to ourselves on our 30 min bus ride back. I don't think this needs to be said but we Marines are easily amused.
We get up the next day and after a quick trip to the PX for more energy drinks and a little more making fools of ourselves, we head to the staging area. This is when I met one of the coolest people I have met while being here. His name was Hillbilly, he was a KBR driver (Civilian Contractor) he was just a good ole boy. We stood around and bullshitted for a good hour. Nothing to important was said but we all were laughing the hole time. Every time someone new would walk up Hillbilly had to put them on the spot. Everybody would get all nervous and not know what to say, it was quite funny. Especially to us that had been there the whole time. I wish I could remember some of the funny things that were said but I can't, it was a long night after that. So we finished getting ready and headed out onto the wild roads of Iraq. The way home was pretty easy and uneventful, which is a good thing don't get me wrong. Well that was until we got stuck behind an Army route clearing team. They had the whole road blocked, which cause a nice little traffic jam behind them. Then we came rolling up right behind the rest of the civilian traffic. While sitting back there waiting for the traffic to clear up, we noticed a green laser ahead of us, we instantly knew what it was. It was a Green Laser Dazzler, which is pretty much an extremely powerful laser pointer, and if it hits you in the eye can cause extreme damage. So Deelie called back to another truck so they could let the army convoy know we were back there to help ensure we didn't get hit by the laser. But not even 2 minutes after that, I see it coming. I watched it come up my hood and straight into my eyes, then bounce around my head for a couple seconds before turning off. Before I could even say oh shit Deelie screams "OH shit that thing just got you in the eye!" He grabs the radio and call back to our convoy commander, who might I say is pretty pissed of after this. Because aiming one of these at other Coalition troops is considered Blue on Blue violence. At this point in time we are pretty pissed but there is nothing we personally could do about it. Our command though was a different story, lets just say that the last vehicle in that army convoy's whole crew will be standing front and center, with a lot of shininess starring back at them. After we finally passed the assholes, we headed home with little to no difficulty. Well that is except for the dog that my mine roller plowed over. I know it is bad but these are not normal dogs these are wild rabid dogs. After that little bump in the road we make it back home, but before I could even take a breath I was rushed to medical to get my eyes checked. I came to realize real quick that those lasers are no joke, they take them very serious. But I have still not found out what is going on with my eyes, but I could see the keyboard well enough to write this so I guess they are not that bad. Besides that though I still hate the army for making me have to sit in medical for around 6 hours thus far with many more to come, so "FUCK YOU ARMY!!!!!!"